My Facebook responses to Online quizzes

These are real responses I wrote in the past month. #online #quizzes

Which Medieval Theologian Are You? (
I got Thingol of Withal. Legend has it that he formulated the belief that God intended all humans to lay around and sleep as much of the day as possible. Dream sleep, he held, was our communication with God. He tried to have a 96-hour snooze several times, but got up and left the premises after 20 or so hours, mostly out of sheer boredom.

What is your mental age?  (

What Instrument Would You Play In Your Fantasy Band? (
I am the Cowbell Player. I double on tambourine. (Anyone can double on tambourine. Even bassists.) I get girls after the keyboard player and before the drummer; we all get the ones the lead guitarist leaves behind. Fortunately, he has very lousy judgement in women.

Which European Country Do You Actually Belong In? (
I got Malta. It sits out there in the middle of the Mediterranean as time goes on, busy with being itself.

Which Mythical Creature Are You? (
I am the arrow that struck Achilles’ heel. That’s the mythical option, so mythical Buzzfeed didn’t think of it.
The real-life option is that I’m the insect that bit Alexander. He’s called ‘The Great’? Ha? Not after what *I* gave him! Yeah, I didn’t live to see him die (he was a good swatter), but mine was the last laugh.

Which Monarch Are You?  (
I got Emperor Pedro II of Brazil. I know Buzzfeed never heard of him, but anyway… He ruled for 50 years, was highly popular, was overthrown by an unpopular cadre, which he didn’t resist and may have welcomed, and has since been held in high esteem for his shaping of the early independent Brazil.

So *there*. first-world snobs.

I took Zimbio’s ‘Princess Bride’ quiz and I’m Inigo Montoya! Who are you?
This quiz does not mean what you think it means…

I took Zimbio’s ‘Avengers’ quiz and I’m Loki! Who are you? (
I’m Bjorn. He was a blind Norse farmer who ran over several Norse heroes with a plow while they were resting in a field after a hard-won battle. He was also the first person to wear a cheese hat for a helmet. His descendents married Swedes, including the ancestors of the renown Muppet, the Swedish Chef.

What animal are you?  (
I am a Gila Monster. I felt like a big deal in the lizard world, until Godzilla came to town.

My Travoltified Name is Derren Mertin! (
Rod Wonman

I got Michel Foucault.! Which Philosopher Are You?
I get Engelbert Lifschutz. He created the philosophy in which mobile phone selfies are the true measure of self-worth.

I took Zimbio’s ‘Buffy the Vampire Slayer‘ quiz, and I’m Giles! Who are you?
I came up Herman from the City blood bank. He has this uncanny knack for pulling a lot of blood out of people who are hanging out around vampires. With the lack of blood, there is less interest by the vampires in biting them. Saves many a life.

What animal are you?   (
Hmmm…. It says I’m an Asian Long Horned Beetle. I make my living killing maple trees. I’m invasive, and pervasive, and abrasive, and I don’t need to be persuasive.

I got Abigail! Which Biblical Heroine Are You?  (
There is psych theory that says your real personality is shown by your pop-culture choices. Not that Buzzfeed would ever do that much work to make their pop culture polls. And not that they’d ever point someone to Keren-happuch (Job 42:14), no matter how obsessed she is with makeup. They only point to ‘heroes’, like Disney points to princesses.

Anyone come up with Jezebel yet? 😉

Which European Country Do You Actually Belong In? (
I got San Marino. No significance whatsoever.

I got Late ’60s John Lennon! Which Beatle Are You?  (
Did anyone come up with ‘Dead-Paul’? We had that too, for a short while.

I got Late ’60s John Lennon! Which Beatle Are You?  (
Hmm… I came up Stu Sutcliffe…..

I got Upper West Side! Where Should You Actually Live In New York City?
According to this, I’d be living alongside the Gowanus Canal. I’d find the third eyes and third and fourth arms I’d grow to be quite useful. Though it would be hard to hide at night, since I’d be glowing green.

I got Political Science! What Should Your College Major Actually Be?
It says my major is Advanced Meme Creation. With a minor in Anger Mismanagement. Yes, I’m a man of my times.



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